On Saturday I felt very much on my own. I had just got back from a week away staying with a friend and was getting up to date with my post, emails, phone messages etc but feeling very much alone. Most of my friends were away or ill and all my family had gone on their annual holidays. So I decided to be positive and to do something away from the home.
I decided to go to a film which had been recommended to me by my son. It wasn't on locally so I had to go all the way to the west end (which was a bit of a drag as it takes me about 1 hour on the underground) - but I was determined.
While I was waiting to get into the cinema I stood with two very charming young ladies (about 16-18 years old) and we started chatting. They were impressed that I had seen the latest Harry Potter film in 3-D! and then after talking about old films they said they liked 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' and also 'My Fair Lady'. I said I had seen 'My Fair Lady' on the stage before the film was made and saw Rex Harrison and Julie Andrews playing the main parts - I think they were even more impressed.
We also talked about the 'King's Speech'. Then we went in to the film and they decided they wanted to sit next to me. I felt so flattered and really enjoyed chatting to them.
That was part of my pleasure of the day. The next bit is the film!!! It was a wow! film. The scenery, the photography, the atmosphere was just amazing. It was all about loss and mourning for a lost son/brother. It is very hard to explain, but I felt so involved in it and felt the emotions the actors felt. It was also about the growing up of a young boy (the one who died at 19) - but we never found out why he died (I think he died in a war). At the end I felt I had lived the story.
I got home feeling very refreshed and exhilerated.
However Sunday was different - I was alone all day - I did a lot of gardening - and though I enjoyed it I started to feel a bit depressed. Now it is Monday and I am going to have tea with a friend - so the week has started and I am going to be very positive!!!
It has been a busy summer so far and I haven't been on any walks on Sundays - but hope to start again in September
Monday, 15 August 2011
Wednesday, 22 June 2011
Summer is here!
It has certainly been a long time since I have written anything on this blog. It doesn't mean nothing has happened - but just that I have not felt the need to write. Life has progressed reasonably well. I have done lots of nice things and enjoyed a period of sunshine and being out in the country.
One day as I went walking in the country I suddenly thought of the word that had escaped me some time ago when I was trying to describe how I felt when things were at their best and that word is 'Sublime'. When suddenly that feeling comes over you that this is very special and that you must hold it to yourself and try and remember it for as long as possible.
I did have another such moment when I was staying at my friends' house in the country. The weather was perfect - not too hot , not too cold. The fields were green starting to go golden - the sky was blue with puffy white clouds and I was walking on my own just dreaming when I realised that I was happy. I had no pressure on me, nowhere to get to in a hurry, I could go at my own pace and I felt at one with the world (does that expression sound trite?) Anyway it was a moment to treasure.
I had another enjoyable day last week-end when I visited my grown up grandson (he is 28) and spent a day with him and his girl friend. They were such great company and we had a glorious day.
So though there are times when I get very depressed and wonder what it is all about - I do have some wonderful moments. So I will try not to grumble - BUT - it I do need to grumble this is the place to do it!
One day as I went walking in the country I suddenly thought of the word that had escaped me some time ago when I was trying to describe how I felt when things were at their best and that word is 'Sublime'. When suddenly that feeling comes over you that this is very special and that you must hold it to yourself and try and remember it for as long as possible.
I did have another such moment when I was staying at my friends' house in the country. The weather was perfect - not too hot , not too cold. The fields were green starting to go golden - the sky was blue with puffy white clouds and I was walking on my own just dreaming when I realised that I was happy. I had no pressure on me, nowhere to get to in a hurry, I could go at my own pace and I felt at one with the world (does that expression sound trite?) Anyway it was a moment to treasure.
I had another enjoyable day last week-end when I visited my grown up grandson (he is 28) and spent a day with him and his girl friend. They were such great company and we had a glorious day.
So though there are times when I get very depressed and wonder what it is all about - I do have some wonderful moments. So I will try not to grumble - BUT - it I do need to grumble this is the place to do it!
Thursday, 31 March 2011
Spring is on its way!
It has been a long time since I wrote my last blog - but that means I have been too busy to write. But I have often thought about things I would like to say over the last few weeks.
Spring is really on its way. I spent a few days in Kent and the countryside was just glorious. It was also lovely to see the sea for the first time this year. I am really very lucky to be able to get away from London at this time of the year. The winter seems to drag and London seems miserable and one just can't wait to see a bit of sunshine or some lovely countryside.
I have continued to go on my monthly Sunday walks and here is a photo I took on the last one.
This is not the photo I intended to print as it is from another walk taken last year - but it is just as nice. The best thing is that this attractive area is just a few miles away from where I live. Our Sunday walks are usually local.
It has been as busy as usual - but I think I have slowed down a bit as two of my activities have stopped and so I have one day a week free to do other things.
I did have a bad patch when 'things' started to get me down. But now I am beginning to feel much brighter and optimistic. I suppose the break in Kent as well as the Spring weather has helped.
Part of the reason I started this blog was because I wanted to use it to record the changes I feel as I get older. I started writing this when I was 75 and now I will soon be 77! I have noticed some changes, such as more aches and pains (just a little arthritis nothing too bad) finding difficulty in sorting out priorities e.g. making arrangements to see people and over booking myself! But mentally I am able to think quite clearly, though slower and can only keep one thought in my mind at a time - I cannot multi-task as I used to. I usually walk quite fast - but have slowed down a little. However, I am still more active than many people I know of my age. I do intend to keep going - by exercising and keeping active as much as possible.
Life is not too bad - though there are times when I wonder what the purpose of it is. My most productive times were when I had children and saw them grow up and marry and have children of their own. I used to be part of my grand children's lives - but now they are moving on and I don't get so involved. I really do miss that.
Monday, 31 January 2011
January Thoughts!
It is near the end of the month and I have managed to stay quite cheerful, despite the dreadful weather. It has been cold (colder than usual) damp and dull. We have had very little sunshine and this month has dragged. However I am able to stay fairly stable - quite cheerful - and the spark of optimism is in the background waiting to show its head.
The days are slightly longer and the spring bulbs are beginning to show through and that gives me hope. I keep braving the cold and going out into the garden to watch their progress and can't wait to see the flowers bloom.
One nice thing happened to me the other day as I was walking home. I had just visited some friends (one who was in a nursing home having rehab and one who had been unwell) and feeling quite pleased with myself as both my friends were improving and we had had quite stimulating chats. An 'old woman' (she looked older and more decrepit than me) was walking towards me and called out - I went over to her and she said 'Oh, I do like your hair, it looks so beautiful against the blue of your coat.' I don't get many compliments and I just felt over the moon on hearing that. I felt a warm glow inside me which lasted for a few days. It is amazing what a few nice words can do!
I have been so very busy these past few weeks. I know that is a good thing, but somehow I am finding it a bit too much and I feel quite harassed. I am going on some week-day walks, working on a project about the Olympics for the U3A, doing some exercise classes, been to the theatre, cinema and 2 museums. And there are one or two other things I have done this month. I have also had visitors staying with me on and off so have been doing lots of housework, washing sheets etc. That is why I am feeling so exhausted. However, it is better than complaining about having nothing to do and how awful life is!
On Saturday I am helping out at the local museum for half a day and on Sunday going on one of my Sunday walks. I hope to get some nice photos to post on this blog.
Last Sunday I went to the Royal Academy with one of my daughters and her partner to see some modern Sculpture. I really did not understand it at all. My daughter thought it was great, but I am unable to understand why an enclosed vitrine holding rotting meat, a cow's head and remains of a barbecue together with flies and maggots all over is art! What was funny was that there was a layer of bricks laid out neatly on the floor - all lined up - except for a few bricks that were slightly separated from the rest. I was studying it wondering whether these bricks were meant to be like that, when my daughter came over and told me that she had seen a man trip over the bricks and they had not been put back in place! There were some things I liked and felt I could understand or just admire. One of the exhibits was a sculpture of a mother and child made in the 1930's and it was made by the mother-in-law of a friend of my daughter. We found it quite delightful. It was lovely to be with the two of them and we had a lovely cream tea afterwards.
Anyway, this is the last day of the month and I am feeling quite positive and looking forward to the spring.
The days are slightly longer and the spring bulbs are beginning to show through and that gives me hope. I keep braving the cold and going out into the garden to watch their progress and can't wait to see the flowers bloom.
One nice thing happened to me the other day as I was walking home. I had just visited some friends (one who was in a nursing home having rehab and one who had been unwell) and feeling quite pleased with myself as both my friends were improving and we had had quite stimulating chats. An 'old woman' (she looked older and more decrepit than me) was walking towards me and called out - I went over to her and she said 'Oh, I do like your hair, it looks so beautiful against the blue of your coat.' I don't get many compliments and I just felt over the moon on hearing that. I felt a warm glow inside me which lasted for a few days. It is amazing what a few nice words can do!
I have been so very busy these past few weeks. I know that is a good thing, but somehow I am finding it a bit too much and I feel quite harassed. I am going on some week-day walks, working on a project about the Olympics for the U3A, doing some exercise classes, been to the theatre, cinema and 2 museums. And there are one or two other things I have done this month. I have also had visitors staying with me on and off so have been doing lots of housework, washing sheets etc. That is why I am feeling so exhausted. However, it is better than complaining about having nothing to do and how awful life is!
On Saturday I am helping out at the local museum for half a day and on Sunday going on one of my Sunday walks. I hope to get some nice photos to post on this blog.
Last Sunday I went to the Royal Academy with one of my daughters and her partner to see some modern Sculpture. I really did not understand it at all. My daughter thought it was great, but I am unable to understand why an enclosed vitrine holding rotting meat, a cow's head and remains of a barbecue together with flies and maggots all over is art! What was funny was that there was a layer of bricks laid out neatly on the floor - all lined up - except for a few bricks that were slightly separated from the rest. I was studying it wondering whether these bricks were meant to be like that, when my daughter came over and told me that she had seen a man trip over the bricks and they had not been put back in place! There were some things I liked and felt I could understand or just admire. One of the exhibits was a sculpture of a mother and child made in the 1930's and it was made by the mother-in-law of a friend of my daughter. We found it quite delightful. It was lovely to be with the two of them and we had a lovely cream tea afterwards.
Anyway, this is the last day of the month and I am feeling quite positive and looking forward to the spring.
Monday, 27 December 2010
December Days!
Here we are near the end of December, Christmas is over and the new year to look forward to.
Hasn't this year gone by so quickly! Especially this last month. We have had chilly days, lots of snow and ice - an exceptionally cold December. It all looks so beautiful, but is extremely cold.
These past few weeks have been busy with Christmas festivities. I have been to two Christmas lunches and a lovely afternoon party as well as the usual family Christmas Day lunch . It was lovely to be with the family though I find it a bit overwhelming these days. But it is great to see the grandchildren growing up and becoming independent and also to see my children as adults with interesting lives.
Also in the last week or so I have had two visitors staying here and on top of that decorators painting my hall. So it was all a bit chaotic. But it is all over now and I am beginning to relax and to enjoy a little time on my own.
This is a photo I took one very cold morning. It was amazing to see the frost. It has been too cold and icy to go for any walks but I hope to go on one in the New Year (and that the weather is a bit warmer). I am beginning to think like and 'old lady'' being scared to go out when the ground is icy. But I have to remind myself that if I to hurt myself in a fall I am on my own with no-one to help me. Also it takes longer to heal when you are old. So I am very cautious.
Wednesday, 24 November 2010
Autumn Pictures
Just thought I would like to add this lovely photo that someone took while were on our walk between Rickmansworth and Watford. It was such a lovely day (well, most of it as it rained towards the end). It was such a pleasant day.
The colours are so lovely and the scene so autumnal and peaceful.
Wednesday, 17 November 2010
November Sadness
I have titled this blog - November Sadness - because this month is always so very miserable. The end of the Autumn, the beginning of the Winter and the short days and dark long night are with us. I never used t0 feel the cold but this year it seems to affect me. I am hoping I will become adjusted to feeling chilly. I am trying not to let it get to me. But it is only half way through November!
After my last blog when I enthused over a particular day in October - the happy feeling stayed with me for a few days. Then came an incident which took me by surprise. On discussing emotions and how emotional our family is with my daughter - I took a remark she made to heart and started crying and just couldn't stop. I managed to control it for a few hours as we were with other people, but later the tears just came flooding back and I couldn't stop crying for nearly 2 days. I thought I had calmed myself down and then I started again. Then on the third day I was suddenly OK and thought back on what had happened and couldn't understand why I had behaved in such a way.
Thinking rationally about it all - I realised I had been under stress for some time. I lived next door to a very dysfunctional family, who were into drugs, beating people up and they had actually stolen from me. Then the upstairs flat was taken by prostitutes and we had to put up with very seedy characters hanging around. Then there was a stabbing and the police and paramedics were involved and it was just a dreadful time. I felt as if I was living in a 'soap opera' something seemed to happen nearly every day. Sometimes it was very surrealistic such as when their Rottweiler bitch had 11 puppies. At the same time there were problems with a restaurant over the road having entertainment until the early hours. Then gradually everything changed. The family moved on, the prostitutes moved out, the restaurant owner lost his licence. And once more peace ruled. The best part of all this is that the immediate neighbours have got to know each other and we have become quite friendly and supportive. I feel I could write a book about all these experiences. Any way it must have taken its toll on me and all the stress came out in the sobbing. I now feel very embarrassed about it all especially as I took it out on my daughter. However we have made it up and things are OK. I just can't talk about it with her as I know I will break down again.
I am beginning to feel more relaxed and my energy is slowly returning but I also realise that I am getting older and am not able to do all the things that I used to.
Things have calmed down and I am back doing my usual activities. Going to the Royal Academy to see an exhibition with a cousin - going to a lecture at my Fine Arts group - the discussion at the reading group was good and also keeping up with my friends and family. I also went on a very nice walk on Sunday - the weather remained dry (until the last half hour), the people on the walk were very friendly and the area along the Grand Union canal was very autumnal. So it was a pleasant Sunday.
I also have some nice things to look forward to. I am going to Bath for a week-end with a friend to visit the Christmas Market. Then in December I am going to stay in Suffolk at my friends' cottage and look after their two dogs. I always love going there and a few days away from London always does me good.
After my last blog when I enthused over a particular day in October - the happy feeling stayed with me for a few days. Then came an incident which took me by surprise. On discussing emotions and how emotional our family is with my daughter - I took a remark she made to heart and started crying and just couldn't stop. I managed to control it for a few hours as we were with other people, but later the tears just came flooding back and I couldn't stop crying for nearly 2 days. I thought I had calmed myself down and then I started again. Then on the third day I was suddenly OK and thought back on what had happened and couldn't understand why I had behaved in such a way.
Thinking rationally about it all - I realised I had been under stress for some time. I lived next door to a very dysfunctional family, who were into drugs, beating people up and they had actually stolen from me. Then the upstairs flat was taken by prostitutes and we had to put up with very seedy characters hanging around. Then there was a stabbing and the police and paramedics were involved and it was just a dreadful time. I felt as if I was living in a 'soap opera' something seemed to happen nearly every day. Sometimes it was very surrealistic such as when their Rottweiler bitch had 11 puppies. At the same time there were problems with a restaurant over the road having entertainment until the early hours. Then gradually everything changed. The family moved on, the prostitutes moved out, the restaurant owner lost his licence. And once more peace ruled. The best part of all this is that the immediate neighbours have got to know each other and we have become quite friendly and supportive. I feel I could write a book about all these experiences. Any way it must have taken its toll on me and all the stress came out in the sobbing. I now feel very embarrassed about it all especially as I took it out on my daughter. However we have made it up and things are OK. I just can't talk about it with her as I know I will break down again.
I am beginning to feel more relaxed and my energy is slowly returning but I also realise that I am getting older and am not able to do all the things that I used to.
Things have calmed down and I am back doing my usual activities. Going to the Royal Academy to see an exhibition with a cousin - going to a lecture at my Fine Arts group - the discussion at the reading group was good and also keeping up with my friends and family. I also went on a very nice walk on Sunday - the weather remained dry (until the last half hour), the people on the walk were very friendly and the area along the Grand Union canal was very autumnal. So it was a pleasant Sunday.
I also have some nice things to look forward to. I am going to Bath for a week-end with a friend to visit the Christmas Market. Then in December I am going to stay in Suffolk at my friends' cottage and look after their two dogs. I always love going there and a few days away from London always does me good.
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