My thoughts about going on holiday!

I am going to fly to Toronto soon to visit family and go to a wedding.

This is not one of the things I really want to do. I do like travelling and seeing new places - but I have been to Toronto on many family occasions and they usually follow the same pattern. Lots of parties and celebrations. For me to go to all the bother of flying such a distance seems a waste of precious time. If I am to go through the inconveniences of long distance flying I would like to do something a bit more adventurous.

I am really not keen on weddings. I have very mixed feelings about being with my sister, who has invited me. We have a very difficult relationship and I don't want to be put under stress. It is a very expensive trip . These are my main objections.

The good side - I will see family and friends who I haven't met up with for years, particularly my cousin from California. I am going back to California with my cousin - so that would be a nice thing to do. We are all getting older and so we should see each other as often as we can. Life goes by so fast and I may regret the chance to see the overseas family.

Though the last paragraph is true - I still have a resentment about this trip. I feel I was put into a position where it was very hard to say no.

Anyway I am going and once I am on the plane I will start looking forward to the holiday and be very positive. I will try not to get upset with my sister!

That was my grouchy side - now for the positive side.

I had an unexpected phone call from my son, who is in the South of France. He is disabled and life can be very difficult for him. However after he had overcome some obstacles, he actually managed to swim in the Mediterranean. I was happy on two accounts - first that he had achieved this and second that he actually phoned to tell me about it. In fact I feel very emotional at the thought of this and feel so very proud of him.

More blog thoughts when I get back from my trip to Canada and California. I am going to be on 5 planes in 2 weeks! Help!

Mood swings!

Last time I wrote I was quite high. It had been my birthday and everything seemed to be going really well. But reality set in and my mood has gone right down.



It is not as if I don't do interesting things and go places and keep in touch with friends - my life seems quite full - but when I stop to think I realise that I am on my own - and I have to make an effort to do all those things. Underneath the optimism and enjoyment of what I am doing - is a depressed person. I miss having someone to share my thoughts and feelings with. I miss discussing with someone who cares what matters to me. This blog helps a bit as it gives me an outlet to express myself. But, of course, I need a real live person.



I do try and discuss things with my friends, but they seem so taken up with their problems and needs - that I tend to shut up about myself and just listen sympathetically to them. Because I understand how they feel, I can empathise with them - but that means putting my needs last and I tend to clam up.



Decision making is another thing I find difficult to do at these times. I dither about what I should do - one minute I say 'yes, go ahead' and then I say 'why - do you really want to do this'. Then I am afraid that if I stop doing an activity I will then find time hanging and then desperately look for something to do. Realistically I do need to fill in my time but not go to extremes as other people seem to do. Some of my friends seem to fill in every minute of their week. I do like to have some time on my own - but too much time alone makes me depressed.



I made the decision years ago that I didn't want to stay with my husband - but I did think I would meet someone else. However that didn't happen and I remained on my own. Yes, I did meet other men - but none of them were of the type that I could share my life with.



I have done so many wonderful things in my life since I have been on my own - I have had adventures and seen and done great things. I may not have been able to do any of these things if I had been in a relationship - certainly not if I had remained with my husband. As I am writing this I can feel my mood lightening and am remembering some of the super things I have done. So it has done me some good writing this.



The best day of this week was Wednesday. I met my son at the Royal Academy to see the Summer Exhibition and we had a good time. Having coffee in the Friends Room, looking at various paintings and discussing our feeling about them - and just being together. We also had lunch sitting in the courtyard of the Royal Academy. The weather was also lovely.

The Sunday before I went for a lovely walk with one of my daughters and her partner in Hertfordshire and that was also a great day. The weather was good and we walked through golden fields, the wheat was ripening and there were notices stating that the wheat was specially grown for the local mill. We got to the Mill and bought some wonderful fresh bread - just baked from local wheat! It was a wonderful feeling getting something that was grown locally.

So after all that - how can I remain depressed!!!

My Birthday Thoughts!

I am the one in red. I don't think I look 76 - do I?
This was taken in an outdoor Gym when I went on my last Sunday walk!







Its my birthday today. I am 76 years old. I can't believe I am that old - but I am. Today I don't feel my age as I had a lovely day and feel fit and young.


Sometimes I feel very low and think no-one cares about me - but today really proves that I am wrong. My 3 children and my oldest Grandson all phoned me and I had phone calls and emails from abroad. E-mails from Argentina, Belgium, Germany and Canada! My friend in Germany also called but I was not in. I just feel very loved and cared for and on top of the world!





On Sunday I had all the family over for afternoon tea. It was a great afternoon and I made lots of sandwiches, cakes and Strawberries and cream. I always like to have Strawberries on my birthday. I think the 1st July is a special day as it is the middle of the year, it is the middle of the summer and the sun usually shines! The finale of the day was when my son had to return to collect something he had left behind. By that time it was 9.30 at night, but we sat outside in the garden eating dessert of strawberries and cream, feeling very content and relaxed. It was really lovely to have that special time with him. He called it the 'post script'!





Today, my actual birthday, my youngest daughter took me out for lunch. It was a very nice restaurant overlooking a park. The weather was also very good. Afterwards we met the children from school and I spent an hour with them before I made my way home. It has been very hot today - and I feel very sleepy. So I had another lovely day.





I have some photos of my garden on Kodak Share - but cannot find away to get copies on to this blog. I have tried putting them into a document but it doesn't happen. Still I have one photo that I saved on my documents from an email someone sent me and I will try and print it now.

I know this blog is for me to have a grumble and get my frustrations out but this week has been so good that I can't think of anything to moan about. Last Saturday I had lunch with an old friend in her garden and it was very relaxing. We haven't spent such a nice time together for years . Then on Monday I met another old friend and we had a super walk along the tow path of the canal from Camden to Regents Park - through Regents Park and on to Euston. It was so good to talk to someone I have known since I was 14. We recollected that we bought our first peddle pusher jeans and our first bikinis together - we were quite the trend setters in those days!

So I will end on this happy exuberant note!

This summer!

This summer had flown by. I have done quite a lot of interesting things. I keep thinking about writing this Blog, but something always gets in the way.

I have gone away a few times. Twice to Suffolk, twice to Kent and also my Cultural trip to Chester. So that means I have spent quite a lot of time away from home. So my garden has been a bit neglected. I really love my garden - and though I think it looks like a jungle - other people seem to like its natural look. Every spring I put in lots of plants and many of them do not survive. But the ones that do are great. Two years ago I planted a clematis, which has struggled to survive. One year it had some glorious flowers, and last year it was very poor - however this year there are lots of buds waiting to come out. There are already three lovely flowers showing. So I feel very happy. What annoys me is that my daughter and her partner bought their clematis at the same time from the same nursery and theirs flowers in abundance every year and has several flowerings a season. They only have a little patio. When mine flowers it is glorious, but usually they do not last too long and once they have finished blooming they do not grow again!

My other moan is that I have neighbours from hell. I am not going into any details about them - only to say that they have spoiled my summer as I cannot sit out in the garden because they make so much noise. As well as talking at the tops of their voices every second word is a swear word - and it is very unpleasant for me and for the neighbours.

To change the subject to something more pleasant - I had some wonderful walks when I stayed in Suffolk. The weather was fair so I managed to get out every day. I have a very close friend there, who enjoys walking as much as I do. My recent stay in Kent was also very pleasant.

I am back home now until my next trip - which is to Plymouth - to visit a friend who I have know for many years. She visits me here quite often as she has many friends and relations to see and we also do a few things together. I go to her at least once a year. I am very lucky to be able to go to these places.

I had another nice Sunday walk. We only do about 4 miles, but it is very pleasant to walk and talk with friends at a relaxed rate.

I have some nice photos on my camera which I must check out an then post on this blog. Next time!

A cultural holiday in Cheshire!

I went on a cultural trip with my Fine Arts group. There were about 30 of us - mostly women. I did know most of them from previous holidays and there were a few new members We all got on well and enjoyed the visits we made very much. The people who organise these trips are really superb. They plan everything to perfection and also make sure that our hotel is excellent. The whole atmosphere is relaxed. By the end of the few days there was a continual hum of people chatting and lots of laughter. The picture on the left is one I took of some of the members at a wonderful old house with beautiful gardens. We visited an art gallery, several old houses and gardens, 2 churches and Chester Cathedral. The cathedral is really impressive and the guide, who took us around, was very interesting and had a great way of explaining its history to us.

The summer seems to have come at last and the weather is now quite warm. I have spent a lot of time in the garden planting the bedding plants I bought a few weeks ago and, with the bluebells that grow wild every year, the garden looks great. I get great enjoyment from my garden. I am a lousy gardener and I have had many failures - but the plants that survive do look good.

I am home now for 3 days and will then go back to Suffolk (I went there Easter time - and I think I described it then), In my next blog I will print some pictures of the countryside and the old house that I am staying in. I am looking forward to being in the country, relaxing, walking and reading. I will also see one or two old friends while I am there. I will be away for a week.

At the moment I am feeling quite relaxed and less stressed. Life at home can be stressful - just with everyday problems. I know I should be more laid back about things - but I worry about my situation eg. ageing, being on my own, and I also worry about my family. I don't think anyone ever stops worrying about one's children and grandchildren.

This blog is supposed to be about me getting irritating things out - but this edition has been quite mild and relaxed. But I will make one complaint.

I have an account with Debenhams and pay it off each time I get a statement. However, somehow 9 pence was still owing. I went to the Store because there was a sale on and I would also get another 20% because of having a card. However, when I handed in my card I was told it was not accepted. I found out it was because I owed the 9p!!! If it was for £100 outstanding it is understandable - but for for 9p!!! There - that's my grumble for now.

Another week-end!

As this is a Bank Holiday weekend I panicked and thought 'what am I going to do?' I had no plans, my friends seem to be busy and my family were all doing things. But I decided not to despair and be positive. Today I went on a walk with a walking group I have belonged to for over a year. Most of the members are my age - some a lot older, so the pace isn't too hard. I use this group on such occasions as this and have always enjoyed walking with them.

The walk today was around Regents Park and then on the Regents Canal tow path up to Little Venice where there was a 'Cavalcade' - there were lots of barges all decorated - music etc. The Regents Park part of the walk was really lovely - sun actually came out for some of the time and the spring flowers were just glorious. We went to Camden Lock for lunch - but that was too noisy and crowded, so I lead a couple of people to a quiet, green space that I knew. After lunch we did the 'Little Venice' part of the walk which was also very nice, but I felt quite tired by then. We must have walked for about 4 hours with a l hour lunch break in between - so I got home feeling very tired but content. I walked and talked with some very nice people saw some interesting places and I feel very healthy and relaxed.

Tomorrow I intend to do some housework and/gardening. This is the time of year when things look shabby and need perking up. And on Monday I am going to one of daughter's for a barbeque So my empty week-end will have been filled in a very pleasant way.

That is the problem with living alone. You need to be with people some of the time but there is also a need for time to one self. But if you have been on your own for more than a day you start thinking depressing thoughts.

I do get worked up sometimes, thinking everyone is doing something with someone and I am the only one alone - no-one really cares. But I do know that isn't always true. I also know that I have to be positive and, if I really want to, there are plenty of interesting things I can do. However, I still have the feeling that I wish I had someone to do things with. Not necessarily a partner, but a special friend.

I am sorry I have no pictures this blog - but there are one or two on my camera and I will endeavour to get them on for my next blog. I am still not too certain how to save the photos and move them to this blog! I usually manage to do it, so I will have to be patient.

Catching up with life!

When one retires you think that life will be gentle and calm and the days will flow on in a pleasant way. However, reality is so different. I seem to have so many things happening in my life all the time and it rare that I have a few days of contemplation and calm.

It is a month since I have had time to write. First, I had visitors (which I wrote about previously) then I went away on two different visits. One to Kent and the other to Suffolk and since I have come back there have been more visitors. As well as that I have quite a few regular activities I like to keep up with. Exercise classes, meeting friends and one or two societies.

I have a new activity. Last year I did some volunteer work with the Museum of London Archive department with the U3A and completed a presentation. This was quite a milestone for me and made me really keen on archaeology. When I heard there was a group in my local museum working on finds that were discoverd over many years, over several digs, I asked if I could join them. So I have been going on Thursday mornings just to help out. It is quite tedious work really, but a great feeling handling old shards and re-packaging and labelling them. Also it is nice to meet up with other people who are involved in this.

The history of the area is that in the '70's this old barn was discovered (it had been used for gardeners tools) to be an example of a Tudor Tithe Barn and money had been raised to renovate it and turn it in to a museum and heritage site. So I have visited this place over the years - to the museum - to listen to Sunday afternoon music concerts, to listen to talks and also on May day when they hold events. Now I am very slightly involved with it. This makes me feel good.

When I was in Suffolk I stayed in an old Suffolk Long House owned by friends of mine who have two very lovely Lurcher dogs. I go there often to look after the dogs and house while the owners are away. For me it is a wonderful experience to be out in the country in a really beautiful country village and to be with these lovely dogs. I must admit that they can sometimes be a bit of a handful (especially as I am getting older and don't have the strength I used to have when I first looked after them). I have been going there for more than 16 years - there have been different lurchers because as one dies they adopt another one. I am just very happy there. It is also a time to get away from the stresses of London life.

I still go on the monthly Sunday walks and the latest photo is above. The meeting place for this walk is at the old Tithe Barn.